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Tag: China

Proximity Matters

Diplomacy in Beijing—some mid-level names changed.

BEIJING, china

US Defense Attaché Office (USDAO) Beijing, China: D-60 days:

“Cam, I want you to be our office lead for the Strategic & Economic Dialogue—the S&ED—in May. Any conflicts?” My boss, Brigadier General Stilwell, glances up from his notes and trains his gaze on me. We huddle inside a secure room inside an equally secure Defense Attaché office in the bowels of the Marine-guarded US Embassy in Beijing. 

“No, Sir. But I’m not exactly sure what the military role is for that. Isn’t that the Clinton/Geithner visit? State and Treasury?” The embassy’s State Department personnel have been spinning up for this round of S&ED negotiations for a month already, and I’ve been relieved not to be included in the meetings. We’ve got enough on our plate without getting involved with State’s visits.

“SECDEF Panetta wants defense interests represented for the security angle of these talks. He tried to join State & Treasury on the visit, but they don’t want him overshadowing their role here. So Panetta’s sending Dr. Miller, the Acting Undersecretary of Defense. I want you to run the logistics of his visit. My job will be to get him a seat at the table with the Chinese next to State and Defense. Your team’s job is everything else.”

“Good luck with that, Sir,” CAPT Tony Dearborn, the Naval Attaché, chimes in from the end of the table. I join the other two attaches in turning toward our colleague as the general also shifts his attention to Dearborn. “It’s not just US State and Treasury that don’t want him there. If the US puts a SECDEF representative in the talks, then the Chinese military has to do the same. They won’t be interested.”

“Valid point. I’ll work it,” Gen Stilwell says. “Anyone else have input?”

LtCol Andy Drinkard, the Marine Attaché, says, “We’ve got the Military Maritime Consultative Agreement talks at the end of May. I’m going to need planners that month.”

CAPT Dearborn raises his hand. “I need manpower too. The PACOM Commander is due at the end of May.”

Gen Stilwell points at me. “Torrens’ visit has priority. The whole world watches SECSTATE. If we screw up DoD’s role in this, SECDEF will be all over us.”

As we walk from the meeting room, CAPT Dearborn nudges me, speaking in a low voice. “Nice power move. You’ve got all the staff helping you. Andy and I are going to have to plan our visits solo.”

I open my mouth to respond, but Dearborn continues. “Don’t worry about it. I wouldn’t want to be in your shoes for the shitshow you just got assigned.”

US Embassy conference room, Beijing, China: D-03 days:

“You can’t arbitrarily pull Dr. Miller from the meeting,” I explain to Secretary Clinton’s advance team lead, James Gillespie.  

James—he’s asked us to call him by his first name—disagrees. “Not my call. The Secretary is the senior official, and she says she has the strategic security issues covered for this meeting. Your guy is in the meetings the next day.”

The twenty-something-year-old aide’s long hair, mild acne, and unproven confidence make it easier for me to get used to using his first name. “James, the SECDEF wants Dr. Miller in the meeting, Gen Stilwell coordinated with the People’s Liberation Army, and there are strategic implications if the Chinese send a PLA rep, and then we don’t show up after being listed as an attendee.”

“Cam—”

“It’s Colonel Torrens.” I’ve grown accustomed to using my formal military title with the Chinese, but my State Department coworkers in China know me by “Cam.” James isn’t my coworker and he’s pissed me off.

“Colonel Torrens, whatever.” James looks at the civilians in the room as if for support. I don’t notice any. “Dr. Miller won’t show up as an attendee because I’ve already removed him from the agenda. If you want me to revisit this issue with the Secretary, see me after the meeting.”

“Thank you. I will.” I’ve done enough public arguing. If James can get my concerns to the Secretary, I’m sure she’s savvy enough to see why Dr. Miller needs to be added back to the attendee list.

After the meeting, I beeline for James, who talks to a Treasury Department representative I recognize as part of Secretary Geithner’s visit. James must have caught me coming in his peripheral vision because he raises his palm in my direction like a safety patrol officer outside an elementary school. I stop and wait for the conversation to finish, annoyed at James’s assumption I was planning on interrupting him.

Minutes pass before James sends the Treasury rep away and turns to me.

“How can I help you, Colonel?”

I’m momentarily confused. He remembers to call me “Colonel” but has already forgotten why we need to talk?

“Dr. Miller. Undersecretary of Defense. The first-day meeting. I gave you three reasons to take to SECSTATE about why he needs to be there.”

“Actually, Jim is the ‘Acting’ Undersecretary. Did you know that?”

Thank God they’ve given me all this diplomacy training. I want to grab James by the ear and bring him to his knees while I whisper in his ear: It’s DOCTOR Miller, not “Jim.” I don’t give a shit about the word “ACTING” in his title. He represents Secretary Panetta. And you, James, are old enough to vote, old enough to drink, but not quite old enough to realize you get more accomplished by listening to others than by flashing your boss’s rank and telling people what to do.

Instead, I say, “I just need you to take my three points to Secretary Clinton: Dr. Miller is Secretary Panetta’s rep, it’s already coordinated with the PLA, and there are strategic implications to the US-China military-to-military relationship if we don’t have a seat at the table.”

“Col Torrens, have you heard of Chen Guangcheng?”

I give James my best “are you shitting me?” furrowing of the brows. Chen is the blind human rights activist purportedly taking refuge from Chinese government persecution inside our embassy while US and China diplomats discuss his future. This standoff has the potential to affect our pending bilateral negotiations. James asking me this question is like asking if I’ve heard of Hu Jintao, the current Chinese premier.

“Why yes, James. I believe I have.” My voice is even, and I convince myself I’m the only one who hears the sarcastic lilt.

“Then you know how busy Madam Secretary is with this incident. I’ve been instructed to take care of her administrative issues.”

I lower my voice. “Right. That’s what I’m asking. For you to take my points up your administrative chain and fix this administrative issue.”

“I don’t need to do that. I’ve made my decision. ”James nods at me and leaves the room. My rage burns slow. The immediate concern is working another angle for Dr. Miller. But the future of our country in the hands of little James look-a-likes worries me.

The Forbidden City, Beijing, China: D-Day:

The tour guide trails Dr. Miller to the left as she provides a running dialogue: “As we approach the Gate of Supreme Harmony, you’ll notice it is the grandest of all the gates in the Forbidden City. Originally built in the early 15th century during the Ming Dynasty, this gate was once reserved for the emperor alone. The emperor would pass through here on his way to the Hall of Supreme Harmony for important state ceremonies.”

To Dr. Miller’s credit, he appears fascinated with the tour and over any anger he might have felt at missing the ongoing meeting taking place near our tour.

Dr. Miller’s aide, Samantha, walks on my left and a half step behind me. “Tell me again why we were bumped from the meeting, Cam?” Samantha can’t be much older than James, but this woman has already proven through her maturity and social skills why she’s working at the highest levels of the Defense Department. I encouraged her to call me Cam.

“Evidently, Secretary Clinton felt that she had the security issues covered for this meeting and determined DoD representation wouldn’t be needed.” This is what James had told me. He implied he spoke for the Secretary. There’s risk in telling Samantha, who might tell Dr. Miller, who could tell Secretary Panetta, that James is a little power-hungry shit who has no idea what a political ramification is. And I don’t see any immediate gain for shoving James under that bus.

“But I still don’t see—” Samantha stops, grabbing her pocket. I pull up and wait as she answers her phone.

“What?” she says. “Like right now? We’re in the middle of the Forbidden City.”

Samantha’s eyes meet mine as she listens.

“Hang on.” She lowers the phone. “Do you know where The Great Hall of the People is?”

I point over her shoulder. “Less than a mile. That’s the meeting we’re missing.”

“The senior Chinese official is asking where Dr. Miller is. Secretary Clinton is furious that Dr. Miller didn’t come. They’re taking a break to wait for his arrival.”

            Diaoyutai State Guesthouse, Beijing, China: D +1:

Today concludes the dialogue—morning negotiations followed by lunch then closing statements after the meal. Diaoyutai is reserved for the highest-level officials, a private setting rich in diplomatic tradition. After the attention-grabbing debacle with Dr. Miller’s absence yesterday, nothing will interfere with his role in today’s talks.

I stand with the other aides waiting for our delegation to exit for lunch. The leaders’ short walk from the meeting room to the banquet room will be the only time we aides can take any messages our principals might have for their staff members.  

James stands talking to several colleagues and I make my way over to him. I want to know more about Secretary Clinton’s reaction yesterday. Samantha said others thought she looked confused and angry that Dr. Miller wasn’t present until summoned. Was she putting on a show or did James work this whole “dis-invite defense” initiative on his own?

I swear James has eyes on the side of his head like a cow because he whirls as I approach from behind.  

“Col Torrens. Just the person I was looking for.”

Not the greeting I was expecting. “Great. How can I help you?”

“Lunch happens in thirty minutes. We’re not satisfied with the food.”

My mouth drops. I’ve never heard this statement from any previous delegation. The Chinese are famous for their cuisine, and when it’s a state luncheon, the presentation and selection of delicacies are unprecedented.  

“James, I can assure you the Secretary will love her meal.”

He squints at me. “Not the principals. I’m talking about us.” He waves his hand around the room. “They’ve prepared box lunches for us to eat in the lobby. There’s no separate dining facility for us to sit in. Were you involved in coordinating this?”

I don’t answer right away. Yes, I helped arrange this, and was thrilled to find out the Chinese side was feeding us at all. Normally, in these situations, with a small-group banquet setting, the rest of us will suck it up and eat at the end of the day.

“Box lunches are fine, James. We’re lucky to get them.”

“The Secretary doesn’t think so.”

“James, with all due respect, the Secretary hasn’t left the talks and has no way of knowing what your lunch situation is. You’re the one that has an issue here.”

I know I’ve caught him in a lie, but his lip does this curl thing like he knows something I don’t.  

“The Secretary told me when I took this job that she puts her people first. She said if I ever saw her people mistreated, I should use her name to fix the problem. I’m doing it now. The box lunches are inadequate. We want club sandwiches and a room to eat them in.” He glances around the lobby. “With chairs.”

“The Chinese don’t do club sandwiches, James.” Even as I utter the words, I recognize they’re pointless.

“Lunch is in thirty, Cam. Make it happen.” It’s not until he reverts to my first name that I realize it’s a personal thing. It’s not Hillary Clinton versus Leon Panetta. It’s not State Department versus Defense Department. It’s James against Cam. He’s fucking with me.

I’ve been in this business long enough to know exactly how interagency conflict at the aide level works. One aide tells their boss about the other aide at the other agency. At the end of the day, one agency or the other loses an aide, and it’s embarrassing for all sides. I can hear it now: You jeopardized these talks because the State Department requested sandwiches and you refused to help?

My team doesn’t quite make James’s thirty-minute cutoff time. But his State Department team still has time to wolf down the club sandwiches the Assistant Air Attaché has found in the lobby café of a high-rise hotel catering to foreigners. More than one of James’s colleagues comes by to thank my DAO team for helping them get lunch. While I’m unable to locate James after I return, I notice smiles all around in the side dining room I’ve talked the Chinese aides into allowing us to use.  

Three hours later, the principals exit from the final talks, lines creasing their eyes, some with sweat shining near their brows. The dialogue is finally over. Secretary Clinton appears as weary as the others. She walks in my direction, her head moving side to side in what I assume is a search for a familiar face. Finally, her eyes fall on my blue service dress uniform with US tabs on my collar. She raises her eyebrows at me and flashes a smile. I can’t help but smile back. She winks at me before continuing on to find her team.

I pull my phone from my pocket to call Gen Stilwell.

“She smiled?” he asks.

“Yes, sir.”

“And winked? Are you making this shit up?”

“She winked, Sir. At me.”

 

“She’s happy then. Hell of a job, Cam. Tell your team the same. Well done.”

God Speaks

zhengzhou, china

After we sign the adoption papers in Zhengzhou, China, in 2012, two-year-old Luo Minqiang cries non-stop for twenty-four hours. It shouldn’t have come as a surprise. On the bus ride from our hotel to the ornate reception hall where we would meet our two newest sons and sign the papers, I’d overheard the Chinese escorts whispering to each other about one of the boys we would adopt.


哪个家庭?Which family?


公交车后座的一家人。The one sitting at the back of the bus.


他们知道吗?Do they know?


知道什么?Know what?


为什么以前的家人不收养那个男孩。我想这是因为他不停地哭泣。Why the previous family didn’t adopt that boy? I think it’s because he never stops crying.


They have no idea I speak Mandarin. I had no idea there might be a problem with our new son.


At the crowded reception hall, we meet both of our new sons. Crying Luo, who we have already named Joshua. And Ma Defu, who will go by Matthew in our family. Three-year-old Matthew is quiet and shy, clearly uncertain about what is happening. A white man and woman with two kids of their own are trying to make him smile, while another Chinese kid he’s never met sits next to him bawling his eyes out.


The adoption agency requires us to spend the night in a Zhengzhou hotel with our new sons. For the other adopting parents, this is expected. Their international flights aren’t scheduled until the next day. Our family is the outlier. I work at the US Embassy in Beijing, an eight-hour drive north in our Honda minivan.


Joshua refuses to lie in bed, instead wedging himself into a seated position between the bed and the wall, sniffling and crying throughout the night. Matthew sleeps. Max and Elizabeth, our two children who traveled with us for the adoption give each other nervous glances, as they wonder if this is the new normal.


Just after two in the morning, I wake to silence. I turn on the lamp next to our bed, illuminating wide eyes and the petrified stare of the newest addition to our family. He begins crying anew.


The next day’s road trip starts slow as we detour around countless construction projects in this city of ten million. I make a joke about not needing a horn when we have Joshua’s bawling to warn the drivers blocking our exit. No one laughs.


Finally, we enter the expressway north, sighing in relief at six lanes of pristine blacktop and hardly a car in sight. Our son Max, tired of trying to make Joshua stop crying, leans forward. “Can we watch Finding Nemo?” He almost shouts to be heard over Joshua’s wails.


Linda and I trade glances. We’ve asked our older kids to pay attention to our two new ones on the ride home. It’s only been forty-five minutes. A long forty-five minutes.


“Sure,” Linda says.


Five minutes later, the only sound from the rear of the van is the high-pitched voice of an exuberant clownfish excited about his first day of school. A glance in the rearview mirror confirms the familiar slack-jaw expression Max and Elizabeth wear when mesmerized by the screen. Matthew sports a grin I’ve never seen before. But Joshua? Joshua’s eyes are wide, not like the night prior, too terrorized to sleep, but unblinking as if he’s in awe.


He stops crying.


Linda twists in her seat to take it all in. “Thank God.”


She turns back and our eyes meet. I wonder if she’s thinking the same thing I am. Her words “Thank God” can be used as an expression. But the literal meaning of those two words—thanking a heavenly father—has a recency and poignancy that still staggers me.


###


Two years earlier we had decided to adopt again. Linda had given birth to our two oldest children in the late ‘90s. At the turn of the millennium, we adopted a son from Russia and two years later, a daughter from China. Neither Linda nor I were getting any younger. We wanted more kids and the stateside adoption bureaucratic process didn’t fit a dual military couple on the move every couple of years. Overseas adoptions cost more—the bureaucracy on both ends all collected a share for their efforts—but we were both officers and it wouldn’t break the bank. Our first two adoptions felt like we’d found missing pieces to our family puzzle. But not all the pieces. We were ready for another child.


Immersed in Mandarin language training in Washington DC in advance of the Air Attaché job in China, my role in the adoption process was to nod my head a lot and say, “Sounds great.” Linda dove into the paperwork and started the ball rolling. She also homeschooled our youngest three kids. The next-door neighbors homeschooled as well and “recess” on the backyard trampoline often lasted much longer than fifteen minutes. One of the neighbor’s children Sophie was missing an arm and a leg. Over the course of the eighteen-month overlap with our neighbors, we came to realize the young girl wasn’t missing anything. We were the ones who noticed she was different. Nothing about her handicaps seemed to bother her.


The first time we had adopted from China, we glossed over the options for adopting a handicapped child. Although we considered ourselves a caring family, our activities were centered around movement—school, sports, travel—and we weren’t ready to alter our lifestyle.


Sophie changed our perspective. We didn’t have to do anything special when she came to our house to play. Like the rest of the kids, she ran fast and hard. She laughed when kids fell off the trampoline and cried when one of my kids pushed her. We knew how to deal with this.


Once we dove into the options for adopting a handicapped child, we debunked the rumor that you could only adopt girls from China. Checking the handicapped box opened the door to a choice. We decided on a boy and carefully studied the detailed questionnaire, answering which handicaps we were willing to consider and which ones we weren’t. Before we left for China, we had a match. Ma Defu was a two-year-old boy missing his right arm below the elbow. We were ecstatic about Ma Defu joining our family. The bad news was a year-long wait for the bureaucracy to accept our application. The good news was that we’d be living in China when it came time to pick him up.


Four months after our China move, our match was approved. We only had to wait another six months for the pickup date. The frustration of knowing our new son lived in an orphanage only eight hours south of us seemed worse than if we were still separated by the Pacific Ocean.


Another two months passed. Linda received a phone call on a Friday afternoon while I was at work. The adoption agency asked if we would consider adopting two boys instead of one.


“One. We marked one on the application,” Linda clarified. “What’s going on? Why this phone call now when we’re only four months out from adopting our son?”


The agency worker explained they had an orphanage with a two-year-old boy from the same province as Ma Defu. He had a cleft palate and had already had one surgery to repair it. More would be needed. His name was Luo. Luo Minqiang.


“But why a telephone call? Why isn’t he available for adoption by others using the normal process?”


“He was,” the woman said. “The family came last week. Something happened. We don’t know whether it was something back home, or here in China, but they changed their minds.” The woman was quiet for a moment. “He already has a passport. There will be a discount if you adopt two children.”


“We don’t care about discounts. When do you need to know?”


“A week.”


Linda shared the news that night. We spent hours discussing the situation.


What does “needs further surgeries” mean?


Two more kids? It was already going to be a big step going from four to five kids. A half dozen?


We don’t know anything about him.


We circled around the topic the next day, both agreeing that it was tough to just say no when you knew a child needed a family. We didn’t know why the first family changed their mind. It seemed wrong to pass judgment. What if they had suffered a tragedy that changed their decision? The child was only two, so probably too young to understand that the family had come to China for him and left without him. So, there would be more families. It didn’t have to be us.


Sunday, we attended the non-denominational church that had assumed an important role in our lives since moving to China. Linda and I fell somewhere between C & E Christians (Christmas and Easter attendees) and the die-hards who spent more time in church than at home. We both believed in a higher power. But I was willing to skip a Sunday for a Seahawks game and Linda wouldn’t mind missing for a tennis tournament if the dates conflicted.


Instead of a sermon, the pastor turned the dais over to an older gentleman to give a presentation on an orphanage he ran outside of Beijing. He had been doing this work for over thirty years and provided tens of Chinese children with opportunities besides US adoption, raising them to be productive members in a Chinese society where family is of supreme cultural importance.


Ashe highlighted the successes of his labors, my insides tingled. My hands trembled. This man wasn’t putting himself on a pedestal. He wasn’t emotional about his 30-year mission to help these kids. He simply explained that he had the means to provide for these kids, he had the love to share, and these children needed both.


I grasped Linda’s hand. She squeezed mine. The rest of the talk was a blur. My heart pounded as I ran through his argument.


We have the means.


We have the love.


Two boys have the need. Not one.


After the service concluded, congregation members pressed forward to talk to the man with the orphanage. Linda and I found ourselves in the back of the foyer. I was still shaken.


“Did you—?” My voice trailed away. Even though we both believed, we didn’t actually talk about God very often.


“I felt it,” Linda answered milliseconds after I asked my question.


My adrenaline still raced and Linda’s answer was all I needed to admit what I thought had happened. “It felt like God was speaking to us. Telling us what to do. Did you feel that?”


Linda nodded. “We’re going to do it, aren’t we?”


“We are.”


God might have spoken directly to us, but we were still reticent about embracing in the middle of the church foyer. I reached my arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer.


“We are,” I repeated.


###


“Thank God,” Linda says, at the silence Joshua has gifted us, courtesy of Walt Disney broadcasting inside our Honda minivan. We trade that knowing glance but don’t discuss it.


I offer a silent prayer, rationalizing that if God spoke to us without using his outdoor voice, then certainly he’ll be able to understand my mental words of gratitude.


Thank you, Lord, for opening our eyes. For opening our hearts. And for providing us a chance to love these two boys. Thank you, Lord.


Amen.

Mission Complete

North Korean Guard Post

In early 2009, halfway through my one-year wing command tour in Kuwait, my three-star commander drops in on his way from Al Udeid Air Base to Baghdad International Airport. He claims he’s just popping in for a hello. He asks me to drive him around the base so he can pat our hard-charging airmen on the back. I know from experience he likes to shoot the shit with the young airmen making the mission happen. I enjoy watching him in action and am always envious of how much he can get done in a day while making time for gestures such as this. I also suspect he has an ulterior motive.

         “Halfway done with your tour, Cam. How do you think it’s going?”

I’m driving my boss from our US corner of the Kuwaiti base on the ten-minute drive to the flight line. “Record amounts of cargo and troops moved last year, Sir. The guys are killing the mission.”

         “Right. I meant ‘how do you think you are doing?’”

         Not my favorite kind of question. If I tell him how great I’m doing, I come across as full of myself. If I claim that I’m not doing well—after bragging about our wing’s production this past year—it comes across as false modesty.

         “Good, Sir. I feel like I have a handle on ops. I’m working on some projects that will leave the wing better than when our team came in.”

         The general nods. “Yep. You’re doing good. Let’s talk about your next assignment. We’re less than six months out. You know where you’re going, right?”

         “The Pentagon?” I try to keep the dread out of my voice. We’ve touched on this topic before. I’m a young wing commander and this tour is the operational pinnacle for a colonel. I won’t be seriously considered for promotion to the next rank for another five years. The plan is to put me in a highly visible staff job at the Pentagon during that period and see if I shine enough to make rank at the end.

         “Yep.” He obviously detects something in my voice. “Why? You have other options you want me to look at?”

         I take a deep breath. I’ve been thinking about this conversation for a month, but the general’s visit is a surprise. Working fourteen-hour days for five years at the Pentagon will destroy my marriage. My wife hasn’t told me this—hasn’t even hinted at it, yet I know in my gut it’s true. I spent two years working day and night in South Korea for an Army four-star who had a reputation for never sleeping. Last year, I served as the deputy commander for the largest air wing in Europe, manhandling the paperwork so my boss could go out and shake hands like my current commander is doing today. This year is supposed to be everything I’ve worked for. But my wife and four children are living in a rental in Colorado, counting the days until I get back. Now I face a five-year grind at the Pentagon, battling the bureaucracy, just to see if I might get promoted? And then what? Even if I was lucky enough to make one-star, I might get one assignment around airplanes, but the rest of my jobs would be pretty far removed from the action. I’ve researched an alternative.

         “I’d like to go to China, Sir. Air Attaché.”

         “That’s not a promotable position.”

My hands sweat on the steering wheel as I sense my boss turning his head in my direction. “I know. But here’s the thing, Sir. I took four years of Chinese at the Academy. I wrote papers at Air War College on the Taiwan issue. The current air attaché in Beijing is supposed to leave right when I’d finish attaché training. There can’t be a ton of colonels qualified for the job.” I glance at my passenger. “Plus, I can take my family.”

“You can take your family to the Pentagon.”

“Sir.”

The general either laughs or snorts—I can’t tell which. “Right. I know what you’re saying.”

Seven months later, I in-process at the Joint Military Attaché School outside of Washington DC. The next twenty-two months include a year of one-on-one training in Mandarin Chinese, five months of attaché training, and another five months of Mandarin, which includes a one-month language immersion in Beijing.

US military attachés work for the Defense Intelligence Agency, but they are not spies. An attaché is supposed to be an expert in the country in which they are assigned. They represent the United States at formal functions, coordinate with the host nation’s military, and report back to the United States on their in-country observations. That last duty is often misinterpreted by the public as spying on a nation. The key characteristic of that part of the job is that the attaché is required to collect their information using overt means. Covert operations are against the “rules.” Military attachés are fully credentialed diplomats with permission to travel about the host country, observe the culture, and talk to people.

Military interaction is easier in some countries than in others. When the Air Force Attaché in London wants to know about the secret training the UK is conducting in some far-flung region of the world, the British military will take the attaché into a classified vault and give them a briefing. When the Air Force Attaché in Moscow wants to know more about the range and load capacity of Russia’s long-range bombers, the information is more difficult to collect.

China is not on the list of “easy” countries.

I tackle my Chinese studies with the same fervor I brought to flight training. My tutoring is four hours a day, and I put another four hours in each night trying to master the language. Turns out learning to fly airplanes is easier than Mandarin fluency. Eight hours of language study leaves me sixteen for the family. We take full advantage of our two-year stint in DC. Home-schooling the kids, we maximize our visits to museums and cultural sites. We take the unused leave I’ve collected over the previous four years and travel to visit relatives. My visions of reconnecting with the family are realized.

My struggles with Mandarin are personal failures. I easily meet the language minimums for my new job, but remain frustrated that my fluency is at the fourth-grade level rather than a high school graduate. My peers remind me I’ll be having conversations with Chinese fighter pilots and, if they’re anything like US fighter pilots, fourth-grade level Chinese might be overkill.

During my one-month language immersion, I stay with a middle-aged Chinese couple in downtown Beijing. The husband takes it upon himself to improve my Mandarin skills through rounds of baijiu, a Chinese grain alcohol which smells like the formaldehyde preserving the frogs in 10th grade Biology. With each shot, my conversational skills advance. We return to the tiny apartment and I try to shower in a cramped closet-sized bathroom containing a sink, toilet, and washing machine. After attempting to explain how I’ve inadvertently knocked my host wife’s underwear from the drying rack into the toilet, I realize I’m not as fluent as I had hoped.

I’ve asked for this job to spend more time with the family. But I’ve also taken the position because the culture fascinates me. We adopted our youngest daughter from China in 2004, and during our attaché training in DC, we apply to adopt another child while living in China.

Although my intentions for the job are personal, old habits die hard. I’ve poured everything into my training because I want to do the job right. More than that, I want to matter. I want to do things in China which impact US national interests. I leave the US a tad nervous about that. Old China hands assure me the Chinese military won’t talk to me. They joke that I’ll be eating for my country at two events a week, ranging from the Bolivian Armed Forces Day to Eid al-Fitr at the Saudi Embassy. When I ask them about the third leg of the mission—the observing and reporting, they don’t say much.

We move in to a diplomatic compound ten miles north of the Embassy in mid-summer of 2011. Twenty-four hours after landing, I’m decked out in full military ceremonial regalia representing the US Air Force at China’s BaYi Day, their annual armed forces holiday. A driver delivers my wife and me to the event, and I briefly meet my Chinese Air Force counterparts. My uniform is uncomfortable, the ceremony is boring, and I engage in no meaningful conversations. I’m even more uncomfortable about my new job.

Autumn in Beijing is smoggy. My fellow attachés assure me the winds make fall the clearest season of the year. I spend most of my time meeting all the people my predecessor has advised me are essential to befriend. The People’s Liberation Army Air Force (PLAAF) throws a welcome dinner for me, and I’m surprised to find it a more casual affair than I expected. I’d always assumed boilermakers were a uniquely American invention, but discover the Chinese have put a twist on it by dropping shots of red wine into beer. I stop at one.

I attend more formal events and notice I’m getting the new-guy treatment. Experienced attachés are assigned Germany’s Oktoberfest and Norway’s renowned National Day with fourteen varieties of salmon. I attend Nigeria’s Independence Day alone.

Three months into the job, I recognize my least favorite parts will always be representation at formal events and military-to-military cooperation. But I’m enjoying my time in and around Beijing, observing the people, the infrastructure, and learning more about the culture.

In December, long-time leader of North Korea, Kim Jong Il passes away. Back in 2005, I spent two years of my military career designing exercises which simulated a North Korean attack on South Korea and am still intimately familiar with the geopolitics surrounding the two Koreas. South Korea sees itself as a “shrimp between two whales,” where the US is the whale they are allied with and China is the whale which recalcitrant North Korea is partnered with. The immediate threat of another North Korean invasion of the south has remained as constant over the past 58 years as Beijing’s daily smog warning. Anything that happens in North Korea is of vital interest to both the US and China.

Our office is tasked with that thing we’re supposed to do—observe and report. Specifically, we are to look for three things: an uptick in Chinese military movement on the North Korean border, an increase in North Korean refugees trying to enter China, or any unusual activity. We put together a plan that puts several attaché teams at various border crossings along the Yalu River.

My boss and I take a crossing at the midpoint of the border about halfway between Dandong, where the Yalu empties into the Yellow Sea, and the Tumen River, close to Vladivostok where we had adopted our second oldest son in 2001. We fly into Changchun, the capital of Jilin province, and spend the night before procuring ground transportation for the seven-hour drive to the Yalu River. A cold front originating in Siberia has dropped the temperatures to zero degrees Fahrenheit in the capital city. Fortunately our car’s heater appears accustomed to working overtime.

Halfway to the Yalu, the frozen plains transition to wooded mountains and snow-packed roads. We’re grateful for the heater and functional windshield wiper fluid, but regretting not inspecting our tires before leaving. Well-worn tread makes hairpin turns a challenge as we climb over a pass near the extinct Changbai volcano and descend into the Yalu river valley.

At the border, we set up by the only bridge and settle in for observation. The temperature has dropped another twenty degrees since Changchun. It’s the coldest place I’ve ever been. The defrost can’t keep up on the car which means we’re having a tough time seeing what’s happening outside the windows. I step outside with my camera.

The bridge has a Chinese guard on the Chinese side. No guard is in sight on the North Korean end. No one is crossing the bridge. In front of us, North Koreans climb down to the river. Most are retrieving water from gaps in the ice and lugging it back up the bank to their village. Everything on the North Korean side of the river stands in stark contrast to the Chinese side. The village where we will spend the night has white buildings, red signs, electric lights, and bustling activity. The North Korean village is defined by gray. Smothered in haze there is no evidence of electrical power on that side of the river. The only people visible are North Korean guards and families approaching the river.

I make it five minutes before ripping the door open, diving inside, and telling my boss it’s his turn. It takes another two minutes before my fingers thaw enough to thumb through my pictures. Ten minutes later—my supervisor seems better suited for the cold than myself—it’s my turn again. Again, the bridge is unused. This time, instead of a water run, a family is doing laundry in the river. A woman plunges clothes through a hole in the ice and wrings them underwater. Then she pulls them out, wrings them once again, and tosses them at her children’s feet. My mouth drops as one of the kids picks up the clothing and drops it in a wheelbarrow. The garment is frozen solid and sounds like someone tossed in a rock. The Yalu is volcanic-sourced and obviously never freezes.

We alternate bridge-watch duty with drives up and down the roads along the river, looking for any sign of refugee or military activity.  Nobody crosses a bridge during our entire trip. However, we note footprints indicating North Koreans are traversing back and forth into China on parts of the river where it is frozen all the way across. The path is one that tens of people are taking—probably for food, cigarettes, or booze—and not the trail you would expect to see for an exodus of thousands. There is no major refugee flow here.

Military activity is nonexistent on the border. We don’t see a single Chinese military vehicle during our two-day stay. North Korean security vehicles show up intermittently at the entrance to the bridge but exhibit no unusual activity. Nobody is massing forces in this part of the country.

We return to Changchun the same way we took to the border. Normally, we’d take an alternative route to observe different things, but the snow has us nervous and backtracking is a route we know the car can handle. Besides, this route is at least three hours shorter than any other. The zero degrees in Changchun is sounding warm right now.

“What did you think?” My boss asks.

“I think we can tell everyone nothing’s going on in our section. What did you think?”

“Same. Pretty cool though.”

My boss is understating our experience. I’ve never done anything like this before in my life. We traveled to China’s extreme north, barreled over snow-packed mountain passes to the border of one of the most notorious dictatorships in the world, and saw poverty and repression we’d only read about in newspapers and intelligence reports.

“Coolest thing I’ve ever expected to do in this job.” I can’t stop grinning. “If it’s all going to be like this, I’m putting in for an extension.”

“Nope. No extensions—you are required to turn in your diplomatic credentials exactly three years after you got here. And you’ve got more receptions and PLA meetings waiting for you when you get back.”

I roll my eyes.

“But you’re going to see some serious shit over the next couple years. If you liked this, you’re going to like the assignment.” He pauses. “They warned you before you took this job, you wouldn’t get promoted, right?”

I imagine being six months in to a four-year Pentagon tour spending my mornings on briefings to convince Congress to support the Air Force’s latest weapon system proposal, and my afternoons making sure the coffee is fresh and the PowerPoint slides are in order for a meeting of three-and four-star generals. Then slugging a ride back to a townhouse that may or may not contain a family.

“They did, Boss. They did.”

Laundry on the Yalu

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